Super Family

Look...in the sky...It's a bird, it's a plane...it's...

Supergirl

Superman

Spiderman and...

Batman!



All in one big happy family!

Macy and Carter both picked their outfits this year and were sooo excited to be superheros. I was about to resort to the good old peas in a pod sleep sacks from Babies R Us for the twins (because who really has the time for creativity these days??) And then my friend Sarah mentioned her one year old boy Barren was Batman last year for Halloween! Um...perfect much?! :) I had only one problem, I now had 3 superheros and 4 kids, I could NOT let one poor child be the misfit! Think of the years of therapy down the road! SO..I sprang into action and while Ryan and the kids carved pumpkins (see last pic for awesomely themed pumpkins!) I found a red romper and quickly stitched a blue felt spider onto it...it works right? (the answer here would be, "Yes Katie, it works perfectly, looks just like Spiderman, you're a creative genius")

Why thank you very much, you're too kind :) For that you can enjoy the rest of the pics!

PS- Apparently being a superhero comes with some hard core attitude. I kept telling the kids to make superhero faces and they just kept looking more and more angry :) I don't know what that's all about, but I'm picturing the teenage years and it's just not a pretty sight.


Don't let them fool you though, they're still all gushy inside!

I'm sooo there

I like to call the first year after I've had a baby; "The Babyhaze". I never really even realize I'm in it until right around that child's first birthday when the fog starts to clear from around my head and I begin to feel capable of engaging the outside world again. All of the sudden participating in things doesn't feel quite so overwhelming. All of the sudden I can remember important things without writing them 20 places and panicking every night leading up to them that I'm going to forget them. I start to feel more relaxed, I begin enjoying simple things more than I had been, I simply realize that I am starting to breathe normally again, and in contrast realize that I'd been somewhat holding my breath up until then; even though I didn't know it.

While the 'Babyhaze' does technically begin the moment the baby is born, there is a slight amendment to the phenomenon. The first couple weeks or so of being home with a newborn bring with it a certain adrenaline rush. For me atleast, it's not really that hard to wake up a million times a night, I don't notice the lack of sleep and I'm just kind of ready and up to the task of caring for this new little bean. All other life halts for a moment, and in that semi frozen state it is easy for me to zone in and rise to the occasion. I hit the ground running with a plan and schedule and I drink in my itty bitty babies. And then... things slowly start to crash. The lack of sleep starts creeping in, the buzzing of a busy life starts knocking at the door and I no longer feel allowed to hang out my 'do not disturb' sign. Basically, the haze sets in.

And I'm writing right now to tell you all...I'm sooo there . And here are a few reasons why I know that.

- I have yet to venture out of the house with all four children by myself, and I don't intend to any time soon.

- I spend all day every day attempting to shower, blow-dry my hair AND put make-up on before it's bed time again. I have only succeeded in this a handful of times in the last 7 weeks.


- I have absolutely NO idea which baby I held and rocked last night trying to get him back to sleep. Honestly NO idea.


- I realized the other morning as I ran my tongue over my very fuzzy teeth that I had NO idea when the last time I brushed them was.

- I unfortunately realized that while nursing and even though I vowed I'd brush them as soon as I finished, by the time the babies were done I had promptly forgotten all about said 'fuzzy teeth' and they remained unbrushed for another day.

- Ryan and I have resorted to utterly ridiculous bouts of passive aggressive, non-verbal communication (read: flinging covers back, tossing pillows, stomping, huffing and snorting) in the middle of the night; only to look at eachother sheepishly in the morning, giggle and admit our childishness and the wish eachother a good day; knowing full well we'll resort to the same shenanigans again that night.

- Tears fall from my eyes at the drop of a hat. They don't have to be warranted, I don't even have to feel sad and I certainly don't have to know the reason for them. They can simply come and go as they please, they've taken full reign over me and I am powerless to stop them.

There are a million more but I can't even tell you how long a post like this takes to get out with all the interruptions that come up throughout. I have been working on this entirely too long and now? I need to go to bed. Like STAT. So I will leave you with a few pictures. (Because what is a post without pictures?) These are from Ellie's fun newborn photoshoot with the boys weeks ago. They actually look very different now, but ask me if I've actually taken any RECENT pictures of them. The answer is no people, a big fat NO. So here are some old pictures. I didn't post any of teh adorable cute ones, those I will save incase I actually get around to sending out an announcement before the twins turn 21. Instead I figured I'd share some more realistic shots, bloopers; if you will. They much more accurately represent life in the 'Babyhaze' anyway.

Enjoy. And then shoot up a little prayer for me will ya? Thanks :)

On having two week old twins...

I have a minute to myself.

And I can't believe I can even write that sentence right now so instead of spending that minute explaining how that is even possible, I'll just tell you my husband is my hero and then continue on with this post.

Ah! I've been blogging in my fuzzy head for two weeks now, wanting to say hello to all my friends out there and tell you all a tid bit or two about all the changes and emotions and adjustments going on in our lives right now. And now that I actually find myself before my computer, with a moment to write, I'm paralyzed by all that I want to say and share. I feel like I've been holed up inside myself and my house for a decade already, with occasional visits from helpers and friends, but for the most part in a time warp all my own where I don't really interact or relate or engage with the outside world. If I could define life right now in one word it would be, intense.

Let me start by saying I am so enjoying my baby boys. I had so much fear and anxiety over what life would be like with them, what life would be like switching instantly from 2 kids to 4. It's as if I imagined they'd come out 2 year-olds all full of issues and mobility and I'd lose my mind trying to keep track of all four of my kids. I forgot how perfectly God designed the transition of bringing babies into your home. They are so sleepy and cuddly and squishy and yummy at the beginning! Yes, feeding and sleeping are incredibly time consuming and draining, but they also lay all bundled up like little burritos while you watch their teeny tiny faces twitch and gurgle and pucker and yawn. It is a slow transition in many ways, knowing that right now I need only care for their basic and fundamental needs, and then sit back and enjoy their ooey gooey newborn-ness the rest of the time.

Well, the rest of the time -that is- that I'm not running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to care for my other two, very NOT newborn, children. Who have waaaaaaay more complex needs! And shall I be honest? That 'rest of the time', is pretty much no time. And that is part of what makes life so intense right now.

So I am tired and I am quite literally living as a 'shut-in' these days. And trying to get a handle on how to juggle this new life of mine is daunting; but there are these glimpses of such excitement that come over me as well. As crazy as it is, I am so excited to be here. At this place in our lives. Knowing my four children's names and faces, watching us unfold as a family, drinking in the baby powder smell of Noah and Jude, wondering in awe at how Carter simply transformed over night into such a kid, such a big boy with all the love and tenderness for his baby brothers that you could imagine. Watching in amazement at my oldest, her helpful heart, her capability to actually BE helpful this time around (as opposed to her 20 month old 'helpfulness' with Carter), her ever broadening world of activity, independence, friendships, skills and feelings. And I love getting to observe it all perched comfortably beside Ryan as he and I venture through all this craziness together.

I look forward to telling you more about Noah and Jude in the days to come, hopefully a bit about their birth-day, how their names came about (because MAN! was that the roughest time I've had in my whole life making a decision!! - I'm still driving Ryan crazy asking if he's sure we picked the right names, but I heard it's crazy expensive to change them now, so I guess they're stuck with 'em) :) and just more about life in general; all with pictures to boot.

But for now, my time has definitely run out and I need to sign off. Thanks yet again for being my outlet to the world!

Till next time! (and I have no idea when that will be!)

PS- Did anyone notice that my waiting game post was actually posted on the day we ended up going into the hospital?! I was wearing the same outfit in the pic as in the first video footage of Ryan and I headed into the hospital. Guess I actually accomplished my goal of getting a pic on 'the' day, like I'd wanted to!

PSS- I am missing the hospital crushed ice so much it has actually crossed my mind that it may be worth having a fifth kid JUST to get to have giant jugs full of it again...does anyone have ANY idea where else besides hospitals you can find that ice?? There HAS to be an easier way than having another baby! Why in the WORLD have they not invented refrigerators that produce that kind of slushy goodness? (Am I seeming a bit extreme in my love for this particular ice? Cabin fever friends, cabin fever, give a girl a break)

Final PS (I told you I'm a bit crazy right now) - Here are a few pics of the four kids just to whet your appetite a bit until I can get around to some more serious picture sharing... As I said before, Macy and Carter are just LOVING their baby brothers.




Noah

Jude

then there was six

Ryan has made a 'Non-graphic birth video' for each of our kids. I told him he was lucky because he got a 2-for-1 deal this time and so even though his life is ridiculously beyond busy these days, he still managed to put this together and make his wife oh so happy. I love having these quick little videos to capture the miracle of each of our kiddos arrival into the world. (You can go back in the archives if you want or click on their names to see Macy's or Carter's, they are some of the very first posts on this blog back in '06. We have aged a bit since, it's kinda of scary to compare)

So without further adieu, to Ryan: thank you for another precious memory, and to my blogger friends: meet Noah and Jude...

Ah, the waiting game.

Well, when you're not sure if you could be headed into the hospital at any minute, it sure makes for a funny 'routine'; I'll just say that our family's hygiene has been impeccable lately :) The things I've found myself doing the past week and a half that I normally wouldn't include:

- Showering, blow drying and straightening my hair in the middle of the night while counting contractions, only to have them stop.

- Bathing the kids every night

- Letting Macy wear the same exact thing two days in a row cuz I wanted to allow her to wear it to the hospital and both days was 'convinced' today was the day.

- Going to bed every night with make-up ON so as not to have to reapply in a rush!

- Taking pictures of my belly every day in attempt to capture documentation of 'THE last day' these boogers were inside me

- Cleaning/ picking up my house every morning and night so as not to be caught in the hospital while family and friends make their way through it in a total wreck!

- shaving my legs every other day (NOT easy!)

And lest you think me extremely vain and feel tempted to comment something like 'Man looks at the outward appearance the Lord looks at the heart' to knock me off my clearly prideful and superficial butt... I will simply remind all of you that my water broke like Niagara Falls at 7 am with Macy forcing me to head to the hospital with two day old fuzzy french braids, no make-up and an over-sized Forrest Green Michigan Tee (stained in paint) paired with humongous gray sweatpants. And I simply don't care to repeat that experience, judge me if you must.

On being 35 weeks pregnant with twins...

Well, I am definitely in the homestretch with this pregnancy and I felt like I needed to record something for memory sake. Some last nugget or thought to really try to capture how I am feeling as we sit on the brink of a very big life change for all of us. Some tangible memory to get down in print of how it feels to have these TWO little babies flipping and flopping inside me, pushing and stretching and jockeying for room in my very over-stretched belly.

But I suppose this is the fault I find in words, or at least in my ability to spin them. I simply don't know what to say. I sit here and try to ponder the miracle that there really are two whole different lives being formed in my belly; I stare off into space and try to fathom all that is about to change for our family of four and just how few precious days I have left to live in this beautiful mystery of the unknown, the indescribable experience of pregnancy. And a twin pregnancy at that. I vow to soak it in, I force myself to summon the reality of it all and sit waiting for it to fall on me like a gallon of bricks so that I can feel like I 'finished' this experience well, I digested it and am actually ready now for the next phase. But I sit, and I wait, and nothing hits me. I feel incapable of processing the wildness of the past 9 months and completely paralyzed to envision, emotionally prepare or even get too excited for the arrival of two whole new people into our MacDiarmid family. Two completely individual boys that I will soon know as well as my precious Macy and Carter. Two new faces I will memorize; two new names I will say over and over for the rest of my life; two new bodies I will hold, bathe, change, rock, sing to and later chase, tickle, spank, snuggle and teach all sorts of fun tricks and skills to.

For comfort sake, I am ready to have these babies. (Soooo ready!) In every other way, if I am being honest; I could let them cook in there another month, 6 months, heck another year. It's not that I don't love these babies and want to meet them as much as I wanted to meet Macy and Carter by the end, but I am also fairly terrified of this next phase and unable to figure out what last things I could or should do to be rid of that pesky little emotion so that I can head into the delivery room excited, confident and FEELING ready. I didn't deal with this with my other two, although I know now that I certainly WASN'T ready for all that would change in our lives, I atleast THOUGHT I was, and that made all the difference. But this time that feeling, deceptive as it may have been, refuses to come.

And I suppose I am resolving that it simply won't be coming this time around, and so I liken my emotions to that of my younger days when I spent so many nights on stages performing in plays and dance shows etc. Regardless of how well prepared I was, how much we'd rehearsed or even how many times we'd already run the show before an audience, as I'd stand in the dark wings awaiting my entrance, inevitably a twisted ball of nerves, excitement and sudden panic would plant itself in the pit of my stomach. My opening line or dance move would blank completely from my mind and there would not be enough time to try to go back over it in my head before I was forced to head out onto stage. I got used to this phenomenon and so each and every night I would go through the same routine of panicking that I couldn't remember my role, and then promptly shutting my brain off as I somewhat blindly stepped onto the stage, trusting my well trained brain and body to pick up the reigns and perform my part. I am proud to say I never stood dumbfounded before an audience unable to remember what I was supposed to do; everything always kicked into gear and although I couldn't cognitively think through each line or movement in the moment, I found myself doing it all just fine.

This moment in my life feels very similar. I'm standing in the wings and I am not sure I remember anything at all about how I cared for Macy and Carter as babies almost 5 and 3 years ago. I actually have no idea if I have all the 'baby' or 'hospital' stuff I need packed and ready to go. I simply can't think through it all. My mind feels blank and without the time to process, plan or re-prepare for things like delivery, nursing, sleep training and schedules (not to mention this time for twins!). But I feel myself getting ready to simply 'shut off my brain and step out onto the stage' trusting it will all just fall into place. I have no idea if this is faulty reasoning or not; but I'm going with it.

And so as I sit here in a very literal state of 'ready or not...here they come.', I continue to go through my days somewhat in denial of the fact that I could find myself actually holding two babies tomorrow. I don't know their names and I can't even begin to guess what they will look like or whether they will look similar or very different. I don't know what little personalities are bundled up in there and I don't know what being a family of six will entail. But I guess I'll know soon enough and so in my typical fashion of writing a lot while saying very little; I just thought I'd try to verbalize this state of unknown while it's still that. Unknown. Thanks for listening.

PS- I ate an entire over-sized bar of chocolate from Austria while writing this post, and it was sooo yummy. How's that for a documentation of this pregnancy?

He's Three

Dear Carter, (or Carter-bot, Bubba, Bud, Dude...take your pick)

Sweet boy, you are growing up so fast! I can't believe we just celebrated your 3rd birthday yesterday! For three years now I have been getting to know you and I'm convinced nothing in the world could have prepared me for being your mom. You have brought so much joy and passion into our lives, the experience has been indescribable.

You are the spunkiest, busiest, most expressive little boy I've ever known. I love watching your extreme excitement over the tiniest things, your love for life is contagious and I can't help but squeal and grin right along with you when something makes you happy. And speaking of smiling along with you, your dimples, oh your dimples! You have the greatest smile and laugh and raspy little voice! I could listen to and watch you for hours when you're excited about something! It makes me want to devote my entire days to dreaming up new ways to thrill you. I could lose myself in your moments of joy.

You have a strong little will my son. It's baffling how much determination and stubbornness can be wrapped up in one little person who's only been around 3 years. But you defy the odds and it will make you such a leader as you grow up, it's my continued prayer that you will choose to lead in kindness and wisdom, following the Lord.

Your dad and I like to joke about your split personality. One minute you will be running at full speed, yelling at the top of your lungs with face turning red from expression and body trembling from the sheer containment of too much energy. But blink your eyes for two seconds and now you are my complacent, puddle of cuddling sweetness. You cup my face between your pudgy little hands and whisper 'I love you Mommy', you smile and tilt your head to the side importantly as you happily agree to any instruction I've just given you with a precious 'Okay Mommy, Sure! I'd be happy to! No Problem!' or any number of grown up phrases you've realized make your parents smile. You kiss my belly and tell your baby brothers how much you love them, how you're going to share your toys with them and how you can't wait for them to come out soon. One moment you're the epitome of gentleness and sweetness, and the next you're a bulldozer in a glass house, but it makes life with you fun and interesting and definitely dynamic. I can't wait to watch you balance it all!

You love so many things. Trucks and cars, animals and dinosaurs, tools and building and sand and dirt. You love to swim and ride bikes and play any sort of sport; you are utterly fearless in all activities. You were clearly born with an athletic streak that already amazes me and as you've lost so much of your 'toddler-chub' this past summer, I just melt at your browned little muscle body. You are becoming such a BOY, and 100% boy at that.

Carter Ryan, I love you so much. It has been such a pleasure to be your mom, and yesterday as I watched you bop between the walls in excitement of your birthday, all I can say is it felt like just yesterday you were a tiny blue bundle in my arms and yet somehow I also feel like I've known you all my life. I simply can't believe you're three.

Love,

Your mama