And I can't believe I can even write that sentence right now so instead of spending that minute explaining how that is even possible, I'll just tell you my husband is my hero and then continue on with this post.
Ah! I've been blogging in my fuzzy head for two weeks now, wanting to say hello to all my friends out there and tell you all a tid bit or two about all the changes and emotions and adjustments going on in our lives right now. And now that I actually find myself before my computer, with a moment to write, I'm paralyzed by all that I want to say and share. I feel like I've been holed up inside myself and my house for a decade already, with occasional visits from helpers and friends, but for the most part in a time warp all my own where I don't really interact or relate or engage with the outside world. If I could define life right now in one word it would be, intense.
Let me start by saying I am so enjoying my baby boys. I had so much fear and anxiety over what life would be like with them, what life would be like switching instantly from 2 kids to 4. It's as if I imagined they'd come out 2 year-olds all full of issues and mobility and I'd lose my mind trying to keep track of all four of my kids. I forgot how perfectly God designed the transition of bringing babies into your home. They are so sleepy and cuddly and squishy and yummy at the beginning! Yes, feeding and sleeping are incredibly time consuming and draining, but they also lay all bundled up like little burritos while you watch their teeny tiny faces twitch and gurgle and pucker and yawn. It is a slow transition in many ways, knowing that right now I need only care for their basic and fundamental needs, and then sit back and enjoy their ooey gooey newborn-ness the rest of the time.
Well, the rest of the time -that is- that I'm not running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to care for my other two, very NOT newborn, children. Who have waaaaaaay more complex needs! And shall I be honest? That 'rest of the time', is pretty much no time. And that is part of what makes life so intense right now.
So I am tired and I am quite literally living as a 'shut-in' these days. And trying to get a handle on how to juggle this new life of mine is daunting; but there are these glimpses of such excitement that come over me as well. As crazy as it is, I am so excited to be here. At this place in our lives. Knowing my four children's names and faces, watching us unfold as a family, drinking in the baby powder smell of Noah and Jude, wondering in awe at how Carter simply transformed over night into such a kid, such a big boy with all the love and tenderness for his baby brothers that you could imagine. Watching in amazement at my oldest, her helpful heart, her capability to actually BE helpful this time around (as opposed to her 20 month old 'helpfulness' with Carter), her ever broadening world of activity, independence, friendships, skills and feelings. And I love getting to observe it all perched comfortably beside Ryan as he and I venture through all this craziness together.
I look forward to telling you more about Noah and Jude in the days to come, hopefully a bit about their birth-day, how their names came about (because MAN! was that the roughest time I've had in my whole life making a decision!! - I'm still driving Ryan crazy asking if he's sure we picked the right names, but I heard it's crazy expensive to change them now, so I guess they're stuck with 'em) :) and just more about life in general; all with pictures to boot.
But for now, my time has definitely run out and I need to sign off. Thanks yet again for being my outlet to the world!
Till next time! (and I have no idea when that will be!)
PS- Did anyone notice that my waiting game post was actually posted on the day we ended up going into the hospital?! I was wearing the same outfit in the pic as in the first video footage of Ryan and I headed into the hospital. Guess I actually accomplished my goal of getting a pic on 'the' day, like I'd wanted to!
PSS- I am missing the hospital crushed ice so much it has actually crossed my mind that it may be worth having a fifth kid JUST to get to have giant jugs full of it again...does anyone have ANY idea where else besides hospitals you can find that ice?? There HAS to be an easier way than having another baby! Why in the WORLD have they not invented refrigerators that produce that kind of slushy goodness? (Am I seeming a bit extreme in my love for this particular ice? Cabin fever friends, cabin fever, give a girl a break)
Final PS (I told you I'm a bit crazy right now) - Here are a few pics of the four kids just to whet your appetite a bit until I can get around to some more serious picture sharing... As I said before, Macy and Carter are just LOVING their baby brothers.
Noah
Jude
