First off, I wanted to send a quick shout out to all of you who have been so sweet with your comments and FB messages etc!! Thanks for letting me know you're out there, it is really encouraging for me to know people are reading! And you twin moms that have said hello and introduced yourselves, seriously, sooo fun to meet you! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I kinda feel like I now have my own little twin support group here in bloggy-land, without all the hassle of having to load all my children up and actually go anywhere. Seriously, fresh air and park play dates can be highly over rated when weighed against four car seat buckles, snacks & bottles, crying & fighting and missed naps. So thanks again. I'm glad you're out there, keep the comments coming :)
On to today's tip.
Hmm... Well, let me preface this tip by saying prior to about an hour and a half ago, this was going to be an entirely different tip.
I planned to write about whether to use one spoon or two when feeding your babes, which I will still do. BUT...
In my planned out post, I was going to laugh in the face of germaphobes everywhere. I was going to complain that 'who in the world has time, when performing the already dauntingly dizzying task of feeding two babies at the same time, alternating spoonful after quick spoonful into impatiently squealing baby mouths...to SWITCH spoons every.single.bite.???' No really. Who?!
So yes. This is me, here, admitting that I was going to coach you all to reeeelaaax just a tid bit and use the same spoon for crying out loud. I mean, if one gets sick, the other is most likely gonna get sick anyway, so why not atleast give yourself a break and let feeding be a bit easier in the meantime?
But that was all before 9:30pm this evening.
As I was doing the dishes I heard crying from the babies room and since neither of the babies ever ever wake up (until it's morning obviously...) once Ive put them down; I went in to check. As soon as I walked in I was hit with the horrendous smell of vomit. Poor Jude, and his crib, were covered in it.
There really is nothing in this whole wide world like the smell of vomit. Amen?
Anyway. My poor little Jude dude is now sleeping in Bouncy seat #2, because while his crib sheets were washing I had him sleeping in bouncy chair #1 which he proceeded to vomit all over as well. He is on his fourth pair of pjs, Ive bathed him 3 times and am currently listening to the tumbling dryer fluff my second load of laundry in an hour. This is going to be a long night.
And sooo, as Cooper sleeps soundly away in his vomit-less crib, the nagging memory of slobber and broccoli covered spoons being passed between my two wee ones mouths this afternoon taunts me incessantly. Will I soon be elbow deep in two times the baby vomit? 2 times the loads of laundry and disinfectant? Would I have been regardless of my confessed spoon sharing defiance?
The answer is yet to be determined, but I could not in good conscience move forward with my planned post filled with arrogant naivety and willful 'I spit in the face of germs' humor. (germs... spitting in faces... get it??) I think I'm funny.
The Lord brings low the prideful, does He not? Then I guess I'm in trouble. Oi.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
The progression of feeding twins.
It all starts here.
If you plan on nursing twins, you NEED one of these puppies. And I don't know why they aren't sold in stores, but so far as I can tell (and I searched pretty high and low) you still have to order this online (from super cheezy sites none the less). But it is worth it my twin bearing friends, sooo worth it. (My particular version was called the EZ2Nurse pillow and it came in the exciting color options of blue, pink or 'mixed' (which was a horrific flannel something-or-other with pink and blue little animals or characters, or hearts or something; I really can't even remember because I clicked off of the option before my eyes started bleeding). I am such a snob. heh :)
Back to nursing twins...
Oh Lordy, this deserves a whole 'twin tip' entry somewhere down the road; but for the purposes of this post I'm just gonna say. This nursing pillow made it possible. Not easy, mind you, but possible. And it was pretty much attached to me for 6 months. I couldnt really nurse without it. A few times we ended up places unplanned without my pump or pillow and our only somewhat workable solution (besides nursing one and then the other, which I definitely did not prefer for sheer amount of time + let down complications + getting off schedule + sheer amount of time reasons) was to sit in a lounge chair and have Ryan stack obnoxious amounts of pillows on every side of me piled high enough to form a lap table around my whole waist and then lie the babies at the right height. It was quite the scene.
So umm, yeah, get the pillow. Next...
When bottles became a more primary method of feeding these two pieces of equipment pretty much made it possible. I occasionally did hold both babies (one laying on each side of me on the couch, heads on my thighs, bodies facing outward) while feeding them their bottles but when you also have a 5 and 3yr old in the house, it doesn't really lend itself well to being pinned down for a good 30 minutes. Sooo, the bouncy seat and swing it was...
I will also recommend this combination of equipment. I only had to get one bouncy seat, and then this wonderful Zen swing is a bouncy seat that hooks into a swing base so you can use it as either one. Geeenius. Thank you Steph!!!
The bouncy seats took us all the way through the start of solids, I just pulled both of them up to the side of the couch I was sitting on and fed back and forth. Worked just fine till they could sit up in the...
Bumbos. I already posted my thoughts on these, so I'll spare you, but this phase did not last long.
And now we've moved on up...
I can not tell you how happy I am to be in this phase!
It took awhile to figure out what would work, because for awhile the twins we not sturdy enough to sit up well in toddler style boosters (they just needed more back support) but we have settled in just fine now. We got two fold out chairs from target and stuck them up against the wall alongside our kitchen table. Strapped the two booster seats we got from friends who moved last spring and graciously offered us their no longer needed baby equipment, and voila! all is just peachy! Thank you Cynthia!!
Such happy little babies :)
Who eat their weight in Cheerios. Pretty much every single day.
Oh you think I'm kidding? Folks, let me break it down for you. Cheerios = quiet, immobile babies.
Two tips in one day. Lucky you :)
If you plan on nursing twins, you NEED one of these puppies. And I don't know why they aren't sold in stores, but so far as I can tell (and I searched pretty high and low) you still have to order this online (from super cheezy sites none the less). But it is worth it my twin bearing friends, sooo worth it. (My particular version was called the EZ2Nurse pillow and it came in the exciting color options of blue, pink or 'mixed' (which was a horrific flannel something-or-other with pink and blue little animals or characters, or hearts or something; I really can't even remember because I clicked off of the option before my eyes started bleeding). I am such a snob. heh :)
Back to nursing twins...
Oh Lordy, this deserves a whole 'twin tip' entry somewhere down the road; but for the purposes of this post I'm just gonna say. This nursing pillow made it possible. Not easy, mind you, but possible. And it was pretty much attached to me for 6 months. I couldnt really nurse without it. A few times we ended up places unplanned without my pump or pillow and our only somewhat workable solution (besides nursing one and then the other, which I definitely did not prefer for sheer amount of time + let down complications + getting off schedule + sheer amount of time reasons) was to sit in a lounge chair and have Ryan stack obnoxious amounts of pillows on every side of me piled high enough to form a lap table around my whole waist and then lie the babies at the right height. It was quite the scene.
So umm, yeah, get the pillow. Next...
When bottles became a more primary method of feeding these two pieces of equipment pretty much made it possible. I occasionally did hold both babies (one laying on each side of me on the couch, heads on my thighs, bodies facing outward) while feeding them their bottles but when you also have a 5 and 3yr old in the house, it doesn't really lend itself well to being pinned down for a good 30 minutes. Sooo, the bouncy seat and swing it was...
I will also recommend this combination of equipment. I only had to get one bouncy seat, and then this wonderful Zen swing is a bouncy seat that hooks into a swing base so you can use it as either one. Geeenius. Thank you Steph!!!
The bouncy seats took us all the way through the start of solids, I just pulled both of them up to the side of the couch I was sitting on and fed back and forth. Worked just fine till they could sit up in the...
Bumbos. I already posted my thoughts on these, so I'll spare you, but this phase did not last long.
And now we've moved on up...
I can not tell you how happy I am to be in this phase!
It took awhile to figure out what would work, because for awhile the twins we not sturdy enough to sit up well in toddler style boosters (they just needed more back support) but we have settled in just fine now. We got two fold out chairs from target and stuck them up against the wall alongside our kitchen table. Strapped the two booster seats we got from friends who moved last spring and graciously offered us their no longer needed baby equipment, and voila! all is just peachy! Thank you Cynthia!!
Such happy little babies :)
Who eat their weight in Cheerios. Pretty much every single day.
Oh you think I'm kidding? Folks, let me break it down for you. Cheerios = quiet, immobile babies.
Two tips in one day. Lucky you :)
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Pick a color any color
Tuesdays come quick.
On to Twin Tip...Wednesdays.
My advice for any twin moms out there is this: shortly after bringing your babies home, if not right from the very start; pick a color and assign it to one baby. This has been incredibly helpful in keeping a sane mind and separate germs. (Not that I even try to keep all germs separate anymore - give me a break! - but that'll be for another post!)
Alot (MOST) of the baby paraphernalia we have is simply named 'the babies' - things don't belong to either one of them, it's all just 'baby stuff'. But with a few things (pacifiers, blankets, cribs) it has been nice to have them specifically remain one child's.
You will not be able to simply say which of which things belongs to which child. Though you, and possibly even your husband and the grandparents, may be able to keep it all separate; that's where it will end. Friends, babysitters, nursery workers, will not stand a chance. They will have a hard enough time remembering which baby is which, even if they look as different as well...mine do. So here's my tip. If you assign a color to one baby and give him/her everything in that one color you can quickly and easily say to friend/babysitter etc..."Cooper gets everything Blue". You don't need to have a specific color for the other baby, they get whatever 'isn't blue'. This is because you will never find a consistent second color after the standard blue or pink option is gone. Almost everything comes in more than one color, and pacifiers, sippy cups etc often come in packs of two. If it's a pack for boys it'll be blue and something (green, yellow, orange, brown) If it's for girls it'll be pink and something (purple, orange, red, turquoise). So the second of the same gender will always need to take whatever second color that item is offered in.
**If you have a boy and a girl you will have no problem and I imagine this whole tip will not be as necessary for you. I also imagine you're whole life is just a little more blessed and wonderful and lucky than mine and I kind of dislike you a little bit deep down in my heart of hearts....sooooo, yeah, you don't really need to worry about this tip** :)
So that's that, a pretty simple tip for this week, but since it's a day late and I now only have 5 days till next time...it'll have to do :)
PS- I was totally kidding about not liking you mama's who get to buy the pink and blue sets. Really. Really really. :)
On to Twin Tip...Wednesdays.
My advice for any twin moms out there is this: shortly after bringing your babies home, if not right from the very start; pick a color and assign it to one baby. This has been incredibly helpful in keeping a sane mind and separate germs. (Not that I even try to keep all germs separate anymore - give me a break! - but that'll be for another post!)
Alot (MOST) of the baby paraphernalia we have is simply named 'the babies' - things don't belong to either one of them, it's all just 'baby stuff'. But with a few things (pacifiers, blankets, cribs) it has been nice to have them specifically remain one child's.
You will not be able to simply say which of which things belongs to which child. Though you, and possibly even your husband and the grandparents, may be able to keep it all separate; that's where it will end. Friends, babysitters, nursery workers, will not stand a chance. They will have a hard enough time remembering which baby is which, even if they look as different as well...mine do. So here's my tip. If you assign a color to one baby and give him/her everything in that one color you can quickly and easily say to friend/babysitter etc..."Cooper gets everything Blue". You don't need to have a specific color for the other baby, they get whatever 'isn't blue'. This is because you will never find a consistent second color after the standard blue or pink option is gone. Almost everything comes in more than one color, and pacifiers, sippy cups etc often come in packs of two. If it's a pack for boys it'll be blue and something (green, yellow, orange, brown) If it's for girls it'll be pink and something (purple, orange, red, turquoise). So the second of the same gender will always need to take whatever second color that item is offered in.
**If you have a boy and a girl you will have no problem and I imagine this whole tip will not be as necessary for you. I also imagine you're whole life is just a little more blessed and wonderful and lucky than mine and I kind of dislike you a little bit deep down in my heart of hearts....sooooo, yeah, you don't really need to worry about this tip** :)
So that's that, a pretty simple tip for this week, but since it's a day late and I now only have 5 days till next time...it'll have to do :)
PS- I was totally kidding about not liking you mama's who get to buy the pink and blue sets. Really. Really really. :)
Saturday, May 08, 2010
Breathing
"The girl in me thinks that it is time to grow up, in a good way, a healthy way. I have been living with the heart of a 17 year old on my sleeve for many years now. I love her enthusiasm, her hope for all things possible. However, she’s not fit to be a wife or mother of three." - Jenn
This is why I love the blog world. There are alot of nay-sayers out there. Alot of people who don't understand this whole 'putting your diary on the internet for strangers and crazies to read'. Well. I don't really have answers for you. I know that I dangle schizophrenically between silly updates and serious ponderings. I know there are those who check in on this blog for cute pictures and updates and the rest of the rambling seems somewhat strange. I don't blame you for not understanding, but for me; processing and writing my thoughts on here; well it feels like breathing. It feels like more than that though, because I breathe everyday; but when I'm writing or reading other's writings, it feels like breathing while hooked up to extra oxygen. A few years ago we took a vacation with my husband's family to Colorado; they had actual oxygen bars there, where you literally just sit and breathe from oxygen tanks (oh the things they can make you pay for these days!) But truly, it did feel different! There was an added level of relaxation of clear headed-ness that came with it. Writing feels like that to me.
And so I blog surf. I hop from blogroll to blogroll and discover all sorts of wonderful people out there who are loosely connected to me. Alot end up circling me around and around within a very special world that I feel down right blessed to have gotten to be a part of. SLO. Oh those three letters; could they possibly evoke more emotion? Could they surge more feelings of pride? Could they encompass more fulfillment to me? More favor?
Perhaps you think I'm being dramatic. Fine. Guilty. But I loved this little chunk of my life. L.o.v.e.d it. Not just SLO. Cal Poly, Crusade, the people, the memories, the worship, the lessons. I sometimes refer to this place as my spiritual incubator because literally, an entire part of my person was born during this time in my life. And it is fun to catch up on, or even meet for the first time, the people who were right there amongst me for some slight portion of it. Something about it holds glimpses of heavenly reunions.
But that's just why I love it. Now onto why I'm posting a declaration of my love.
I often come across a post that describes my heart so flawlessly that I instantly wish I had been the one to pen the words I'm now reading. So I read them over and over and drink them in; and then...well, I do nothing. Because I can't exactly 're-post' them on my blog, right? And I don't necessarily feel the need to join the mass of commenters as a blog-stalker this writer doesn't know, just to say 'wow, you wrote my very own thoughts' because well, even though I love when people do that to me; I'm just not that confident it won't come off 'weird' when I'm the one commenting.
Well, this time I couldn't help it. Hi Jenn. I'm Katie. And I simply loved loved loved your Ch-Ch-Changes post. I too feel like I've been walking around with my teenage heart on my sleeve, wondering when it would be unlocked and allowed to live again. I have wondered at why it felt so confined; and why remembering life from a simpler, freer time felt strangely hurtful to me; as though someone took it from me and was now teasing me with the memories.
But as I've just had my third and fourth children and as I approach my 8th year of marriage as well as my 30th birthday; I feel a strange revolt rising within me. It's the security of more than a couple decades on this earth, the seasoned resolve of a wife, the powerful strength of a mother, and it's telling the teenager in me that while she may still exist she is NOT the best fit for this next chapter of my life. Not with her silly insecurities, not with her selfish heart or pouting sense of entitlement. She lived in a time with little responsibility and a whole lot of perceived independence; and while that was fun for a season, she also had no idea how deeply the heart could love, she had not tasted complete safety and vulnerability, she had not breathed even half of who she had it in herself to be.
And so I feel it, the take-over; the change of leadership coming in. And it feels right. It feels healthy and good, it feels like growth. And I just wanted to thank you for articulating your journey with it as well. Because although I understand very little about them; reading your thoughts validated my own jumbled ones; and like I said at the start; it felt like breathing.
Thanks.
And since I've started down this train...I'll indulge in introducing you to a few more people that have time and again made my heart catch in my throat. My husband actually just preached a few Sundays ago on Hebrews 12 and the idea of being surrounded by a 'great cloud of witnesses'. While he was talking about faith and I'm talking about God-gifted talent and transparency, I'm still drawing comparisons. He talked of how being around greatness can and should inspire you to be great, but the danger is that it can also intimidate you to think you'll never be that great so why try. Well, you writer's out there; you inspire me, and though I admit intimidation is right there beside the inspiration; I simply love reading your thoughts and they push me to want to articulate my own journey, explore my own heart and be real; with whoever wants my real-ness. So thanks for using your gift of writing to breath life to my heart. I appreciate you.
Orange makes everything better
Moms are for everyone
Just another Jenn
Tales from the Motherhood
The Accidental Traveler
Bring the rain
Like a warm cup of coffee
Sarah Markley
Oh man these are ONLY a FEW. I could drag this out indefinitely...but for now...the 'Publish Post' button calls my name.
'Night everybody :)
This is why I love the blog world. There are alot of nay-sayers out there. Alot of people who don't understand this whole 'putting your diary on the internet for strangers and crazies to read'. Well. I don't really have answers for you. I know that I dangle schizophrenically between silly updates and serious ponderings. I know there are those who check in on this blog for cute pictures and updates and the rest of the rambling seems somewhat strange. I don't blame you for not understanding, but for me; processing and writing my thoughts on here; well it feels like breathing. It feels like more than that though, because I breathe everyday; but when I'm writing or reading other's writings, it feels like breathing while hooked up to extra oxygen. A few years ago we took a vacation with my husband's family to Colorado; they had actual oxygen bars there, where you literally just sit and breathe from oxygen tanks (oh the things they can make you pay for these days!) But truly, it did feel different! There was an added level of relaxation of clear headed-ness that came with it. Writing feels like that to me.
And so I blog surf. I hop from blogroll to blogroll and discover all sorts of wonderful people out there who are loosely connected to me. Alot end up circling me around and around within a very special world that I feel down right blessed to have gotten to be a part of. SLO. Oh those three letters; could they possibly evoke more emotion? Could they surge more feelings of pride? Could they encompass more fulfillment to me? More favor?
Perhaps you think I'm being dramatic. Fine. Guilty. But I loved this little chunk of my life. L.o.v.e.d it. Not just SLO. Cal Poly, Crusade, the people, the memories, the worship, the lessons. I sometimes refer to this place as my spiritual incubator because literally, an entire part of my person was born during this time in my life. And it is fun to catch up on, or even meet for the first time, the people who were right there amongst me for some slight portion of it. Something about it holds glimpses of heavenly reunions.
But that's just why I love it. Now onto why I'm posting a declaration of my love.
I often come across a post that describes my heart so flawlessly that I instantly wish I had been the one to pen the words I'm now reading. So I read them over and over and drink them in; and then...well, I do nothing. Because I can't exactly 're-post' them on my blog, right? And I don't necessarily feel the need to join the mass of commenters as a blog-stalker this writer doesn't know, just to say 'wow, you wrote my very own thoughts' because well, even though I love when people do that to me; I'm just not that confident it won't come off 'weird' when I'm the one commenting.
Well, this time I couldn't help it. Hi Jenn. I'm Katie. And I simply loved loved loved your Ch-Ch-Changes post. I too feel like I've been walking around with my teenage heart on my sleeve, wondering when it would be unlocked and allowed to live again. I have wondered at why it felt so confined; and why remembering life from a simpler, freer time felt strangely hurtful to me; as though someone took it from me and was now teasing me with the memories.
But as I've just had my third and fourth children and as I approach my 8th year of marriage as well as my 30th birthday; I feel a strange revolt rising within me. It's the security of more than a couple decades on this earth, the seasoned resolve of a wife, the powerful strength of a mother, and it's telling the teenager in me that while she may still exist she is NOT the best fit for this next chapter of my life. Not with her silly insecurities, not with her selfish heart or pouting sense of entitlement. She lived in a time with little responsibility and a whole lot of perceived independence; and while that was fun for a season, she also had no idea how deeply the heart could love, she had not tasted complete safety and vulnerability, she had not breathed even half of who she had it in herself to be.
And so I feel it, the take-over; the change of leadership coming in. And it feels right. It feels healthy and good, it feels like growth. And I just wanted to thank you for articulating your journey with it as well. Because although I understand very little about them; reading your thoughts validated my own jumbled ones; and like I said at the start; it felt like breathing.
Thanks.
And since I've started down this train...I'll indulge in introducing you to a few more people that have time and again made my heart catch in my throat. My husband actually just preached a few Sundays ago on Hebrews 12 and the idea of being surrounded by a 'great cloud of witnesses'. While he was talking about faith and I'm talking about God-gifted talent and transparency, I'm still drawing comparisons. He talked of how being around greatness can and should inspire you to be great, but the danger is that it can also intimidate you to think you'll never be that great so why try. Well, you writer's out there; you inspire me, and though I admit intimidation is right there beside the inspiration; I simply love reading your thoughts and they push me to want to articulate my own journey, explore my own heart and be real; with whoever wants my real-ness. So thanks for using your gift of writing to breath life to my heart. I appreciate you.
Orange makes everything better
Moms are for everyone
Just another Jenn
Tales from the Motherhood
The Accidental Traveler
Bring the rain
Like a warm cup of coffee
Sarah Markley
Oh man these are ONLY a FEW. I could drag this out indefinitely...but for now...the 'Publish Post' button calls my name.
'Night everybody :)
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
On Being a 'Twin Mom'
**I posted this last night I swear, don't know what happened... anyway..here ya go..
10:30pm. Here's my first Twin Tip.. being a mom of twins (or maybe just 3 to 4 young kids in general) means you will never get anything personal done unless you stay up until midnight every night. Accept this fundamental truth; it is unshakable.
On to 'Twin Mom'-ness.
Ah, the title. I spent 9 months aware of this 'title', spent 9 months not really believing it was going to mean anything more than what I already knew, that I'd 'have my hands full' (If I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me...oi). Well, I'm eight months in to this new 'title' of mine and it's time for some honesty.
I kind of rolled my eyes at this idea of being a 'twin mom' being anything I needed a separate or different type of 'support' for. Already being a mom, times two; I kinda figured the only differences I was about to experience would be basic and practical survival type techniques that I'd need to learn and do differently. Things like feeding two at a time, holding two crying babies, do they share a crib, etc etc etc. I really didn't think there'd be anything on the emotional level that was different this time around; I wasn't expecting that at all. So whenever anyone would ask me if I was going to go to a 'Mother's of Multiples' group or something of that nature, I kind of thought. "What for?...I have wonderful fellow mom friends who provide all the parenting examples, emotional support and listening ears I could ever need. Besides a few tips I can get from twin books, I'm good."
But I have been surprised how wrong I was; how there really does seem to be something to this whole 'twin mom' title that I'm just now grasping is going to make my whole experience as a mom different; from here on out.
First, there's some minor things that are taking some time to get comfortable with. I've been surprised how much I've grown to dislike the attention. Now, I am NOT one who typically wants to be left alone. Most of my life I have not minded a little 'spotlight' here and there, I wanted to be an actress for crying out loud! But the stares, the same stream of questions over and over, the laughter that, call me crazy, doesn't always feel so nice. Well, it makes me uncomfortable and I get tired of playing the game.
"Haha, yes they're twins. No they're not identical."
"Haha, no we didn't plan for them."
"Haha, yes I have my hands full."
Or my favorite.
Them: "Oh you're sooooo lucky! I always wanted twins. My sister's brother's uncle's friend has twins; I really really hope I have twins."
Me: "Oh, well...um...that's nice." (I mean seriously what am I supposed to say to that? "Dude, you're crazy you have no idea what you're talking about!"?)
Anyway, that's the humorous, semi-annoying side of things that I haven't really gotten used to.
The other side is a little harder to articulate, but just as real. It can be as simple as trying to look at both babies at once. Like really look at them, as their little faces are staring up at you, eyes locked in anticipation of Mommy's full attention, open mouth grin waiting to break into a huge smile as soon as you make eye contact. You mom's know the moment, those sweet little flirtatious times of bonding where baby is enthralled with you and your focus.
But when there's two; who do you focus on?
I wasn't prepared to simultaneously feel guilt coupled alongside delight as one child is giggling in enjoyment at your attention while the other is sitting right there; kind of laughing too, but like that kid in Jr. high; laughing at a joke he's not involved in; like a third wheel not fully included...
Now I know my babies don't actually feel or contemplate complex concepts like feeling left out yet. But it doesn't mean it doesn't cross my mind; it doesn't mean I can do anything about the irrational worry and sadness I feel at not being able to just indulge in that entire moment with one of my babies, not worrying about giving even doses to each. Cuz a girl can go straight crazy trying to switch gazes and googly lovey-dovey phrases back and forth between two sparkling sets of eyes. Trust me...you get more than a little dizzy.
So that's part of it. And the rest kind of swirls out of that same feeling. There's alot of divide and conquer mentality with twins. Alot of 'whatever get's the job done' that goes on throughout the day. I'm sure this is the case in alot of households with multiple wee ones; but when I literally can not hold both babies while they drink their bottles, I dont hold either cuz it's just too weird to prop one up and snuggle the other, when both babies have found themselves in a crying, 'nothing seems to soothe me except being held' state at the same time, I literally can not hold and calm two babies, so they both are left to cry and figure it out cuz how do you choose which one gets comforted while the other looks on?
This is not always how I deal with each situation, but when I do choose one to treat as my 'only' baby for the moment; the guilt is awful; thinking of the other one, left to fend for themselves for a bit. Sure I'll switch it up next time, it's not like I'm playing favorites; all I'm saying is I wasn't prepared for the emotional tug in two directions when you literally can't do both.
So that's not much for a Twin Tip...since if you actually are reading this from a perspective of wanting advice; I haven't really given you anything to DO about the struggle. And I'm quite the hypocrite because my days do not include enough time to go join a 'twin group' even though now I concede they have value. BUT at least I'm warning you that the emotional difficulties will be there, which is more than I can say for the 'twin books' I read during pregnancy... or maybe they did talk about it and I just wasn't listening..that could have happened too..but I'll go with the 'no one told me' excuse. Sounds better. :)
Ah, 50 minutes to spare. Happy Wednesday everybody.
10:30pm. Here's my first Twin Tip.. being a mom of twins (or maybe just 3 to 4 young kids in general) means you will never get anything personal done unless you stay up until midnight every night. Accept this fundamental truth; it is unshakable.
On to 'Twin Mom'-ness.
Ah, the title. I spent 9 months aware of this 'title', spent 9 months not really believing it was going to mean anything more than what I already knew, that I'd 'have my hands full' (If I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me...oi). Well, I'm eight months in to this new 'title' of mine and it's time for some honesty.
I kind of rolled my eyes at this idea of being a 'twin mom' being anything I needed a separate or different type of 'support' for. Already being a mom, times two; I kinda figured the only differences I was about to experience would be basic and practical survival type techniques that I'd need to learn and do differently. Things like feeding two at a time, holding two crying babies, do they share a crib, etc etc etc. I really didn't think there'd be anything on the emotional level that was different this time around; I wasn't expecting that at all. So whenever anyone would ask me if I was going to go to a 'Mother's of Multiples' group or something of that nature, I kind of thought. "What for?...I have wonderful fellow mom friends who provide all the parenting examples, emotional support and listening ears I could ever need. Besides a few tips I can get from twin books, I'm good."
But I have been surprised how wrong I was; how there really does seem to be something to this whole 'twin mom' title that I'm just now grasping is going to make my whole experience as a mom different; from here on out.
First, there's some minor things that are taking some time to get comfortable with. I've been surprised how much I've grown to dislike the attention. Now, I am NOT one who typically wants to be left alone. Most of my life I have not minded a little 'spotlight' here and there, I wanted to be an actress for crying out loud! But the stares, the same stream of questions over and over, the laughter that, call me crazy, doesn't always feel so nice. Well, it makes me uncomfortable and I get tired of playing the game.
"Haha, yes they're twins. No they're not identical."
"Haha, no we didn't plan for them."
"Haha, yes I have my hands full."
Or my favorite.
Them: "Oh you're sooooo lucky! I always wanted twins. My sister's brother's uncle's friend has twins; I really really hope I have twins."
Me: "Oh, well...um...that's nice." (I mean seriously what am I supposed to say to that? "Dude, you're crazy you have no idea what you're talking about!"?)
Anyway, that's the humorous, semi-annoying side of things that I haven't really gotten used to.
The other side is a little harder to articulate, but just as real. It can be as simple as trying to look at both babies at once. Like really look at them, as their little faces are staring up at you, eyes locked in anticipation of Mommy's full attention, open mouth grin waiting to break into a huge smile as soon as you make eye contact. You mom's know the moment, those sweet little flirtatious times of bonding where baby is enthralled with you and your focus.
But when there's two; who do you focus on?
I wasn't prepared to simultaneously feel guilt coupled alongside delight as one child is giggling in enjoyment at your attention while the other is sitting right there; kind of laughing too, but like that kid in Jr. high; laughing at a joke he's not involved in; like a third wheel not fully included...
Now I know my babies don't actually feel or contemplate complex concepts like feeling left out yet. But it doesn't mean it doesn't cross my mind; it doesn't mean I can do anything about the irrational worry and sadness I feel at not being able to just indulge in that entire moment with one of my babies, not worrying about giving even doses to each. Cuz a girl can go straight crazy trying to switch gazes and googly lovey-dovey phrases back and forth between two sparkling sets of eyes. Trust me...you get more than a little dizzy.
So that's part of it. And the rest kind of swirls out of that same feeling. There's alot of divide and conquer mentality with twins. Alot of 'whatever get's the job done' that goes on throughout the day. I'm sure this is the case in alot of households with multiple wee ones; but when I literally can not hold both babies while they drink their bottles, I dont hold either cuz it's just too weird to prop one up and snuggle the other, when both babies have found themselves in a crying, 'nothing seems to soothe me except being held' state at the same time, I literally can not hold and calm two babies, so they both are left to cry and figure it out cuz how do you choose which one gets comforted while the other looks on?
This is not always how I deal with each situation, but when I do choose one to treat as my 'only' baby for the moment; the guilt is awful; thinking of the other one, left to fend for themselves for a bit. Sure I'll switch it up next time, it's not like I'm playing favorites; all I'm saying is I wasn't prepared for the emotional tug in two directions when you literally can't do both.
So that's not much for a Twin Tip...since if you actually are reading this from a perspective of wanting advice; I haven't really given you anything to DO about the struggle. And I'm quite the hypocrite because my days do not include enough time to go join a 'twin group' even though now I concede they have value. BUT at least I'm warning you that the emotional difficulties will be there, which is more than I can say for the 'twin books' I read during pregnancy... or maybe they did talk about it and I just wasn't listening..that could have happened too..but I'll go with the 'no one told me' excuse. Sounds better. :)
Ah, 50 minutes to spare. Happy Wednesday everybody.
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