If you take a gander over to the left side of this screen you'll notice two semi-creepy looking babies floating around like they're in outer space. You'll also notice a countdown ticking below them that says I'm 20 weeks. I figured that, in addition to it being Mother's Day, and finally me being bored to death in Bellybou' all culminated to warrant a post focused on my pregnant self.
20 weeks. That is crazy to me for a number of reasons. First, it means I am halfway through my very last pregnancy (barring unforeseen acts of God!). I am happy about this for a million reasons. I do not love myself pregnant. Not even talking appearance, or actually even discomfort for that matter; although that has definitely been a hum- dinger this pregnancy. (Yes, I said Humdinger - are you done laughing yet? Good, moving on)
No, I just don't like my emotional and mental state in general. I don't feel like myself; I'm unmotivated, unusually stressed and overwhelmed, short tempered, tired and discouraged for no particular reason at many points throughout the day. It's just not my favorite version of myself. So I will be glad to say goodbye to pregnant Katie for that reason. (As will most people close to me, Im sure!)
But at the same time, I am also sad about this 'halfway done for the last time' thing. It feels very final to know the make-up of my family. To have no more question marks hanging out in the far off distance, no additional faceless children to superimpose into my daydreams of 20 years from now. It's also strange to know, 16 or so weeks from now, I will never again feel this sensation of a human kicking inside of me. Or have people look at me with this silly awkward smile while they for some reason feel permission to stare far beyond what standard social rules allow. (Okay that I won't miss.) But you get what I mean. It feels very grown-up, old even; to be 'done with the child-bearing years'. But maybe I'm just being dramatic and over analytical...it wouldn't be the first time I've been accused of it :)
I WILL say I am growing increasingly excited about this next phase of life. Now that I CAN picture the composition of our family; I get excited about living out the journeys we will take as a group of six. Me, Macy and this bucket of boys we'll try to whip into shape. (Just kidding honey, you're leading this charge: I'm counting on it) :)
So, as I go back and forth on this pendulum swing between,"Yes! I'm halfway there!" and "Oh Crud, Im halfway there...these babies are coming SOON!", I'm just really trying to soak it all in; remember all the 'pregnancy stuff', but also really enjoy these last couple months as a family of four; these last couple months of mystery wondering who these two little boys are that are about to join our family and make us "The MacDiarmid's - family of 6". Cuz something tells me things are gonna change quite a bit!
And finally, since this is a somewhat random post, intended to kill my boredom here at Bellybou'; I'll leave you with the Top 10 things I get asked by customers while working the store. (Now that I'm pregnant that is...) And the things I wish I could say in response.
1) "Ha Ha, Do they make you get pregnant to work here?! What a tough boss! Huh huh huh"
--I actually own this place....(awkward silence)
2) "Are you really pregnant or wearing a fake belly to show the clothes?"
--Yes I have a fake belly on as well as a fat face, arms and butt suit to make it REALLY believable!
3) "You're only 20 weeks? You're SO Big!"
--You're so sweet to notice.
4) "You're having TWINS?! You're soo small!"
--Why, thank you.. Dr.. what was your name again??
5) "You're having TWINS?! Are they real?"
--Nope, went to Toys R Us and got fake ones for the doctor to impregnate me with.
6) "You're having TWINS?! Did you want twins?"
--No, we're giving one up for adoption.
7) "Do twins run in your family?"
--Why do you ask? Do they run in yours?
8) "How will you feed them?"
--Are we best friends all of the sudden? I don't know! Leave me alone!
9) "Are you gonna have a c-section?"
--I don't know, person I've known for two seconds, but I don't really feel like talking to you about the method or locations of my body in which my babies will be coming in to this world.
10)"Are you hiring help? You're gonna need it."
--Good tip, are you offering donations?
3 comments:
HAHA, so funny that you think baby ticker makes the babies look alien. Like you, I miss the baby kicking more than anything. And the way people always give you special treatment when pregnant. That being said, I NEVER EVER want to be pregnant again. And as much as I absolutely ADORE a newborn, I cannot wait til Twain can sleep through the night. I guess I'm just getting fussy in my old age!
bucket of boys. how cute that sounds. and yes, things are gonna change, but God will give you what you need to handle the situation. That's what I keep telling myself if I start to feel overwhelmed by the future.
I loved the last part of your post! I swear people will say anything. When Gracie was smaller, someone asked Brent if she was adopted. (Yes, we flew to China to pick out a sweet little girl.) HAHA.
Katie, you are hilarious! I love reading your posts, and REALLY LOVEd the top 10.
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